Robert ” Rockin’ Rob ” Powers, who spontaneously spawned from a drug-fueled bacchanal sometime in the late 1960’s, passed away peacefully earlier this week after an extended battle with throat cancer and inner demons.
Rob, affectionately known as “Goober” to his dear friends, was a devoted addict, registered sex offender and exemplary degenerate who never missed an opportunity to fuck someone out of money. While giving off the impression of an animated character due to his frequent, exuberant outbursts and uncommon lack of shame, his impressive lifespan is as much a testament to the miracle of modern medicine as it is a slap in the face to every health guru preaching about diet, exercise and clean living.
Rockin’ Ruby was, at heart an entertainer. At one time a professional Elvis impersonator, he would spend hours dancing, singing and performing for his friends and strangers, with overwhelmingly positive reactions. He will be fondly remembered for pioneering the kick move, bouncing cigarettes, ceiling fan special, and something only referred to as “The Move”. An avid drug user and connoisseur of second-class sex workers, he had the uncanny ability to sniff out illicit enterprise like a trained bloodhound. A true ‘man of the people’, he would tirelessly pour every cent he earned back into the local underground economy. His enthusiasm for satisfying his basic impulses was only surpassed by his unflinching passion for taking advantage of his colleagues. “Bend it on over, Sweet Meat” he would exclaim as he boldly embodied his distinctive adage “You slip, I grip”.
Dr. Gubre was as extraordinary as he was implausible. His depraved and uninhibited lifestyle was a conspicuous contrast to the judicious maxims he frequently professed and persistently embodied. “It ain’t over, until we say it’s over” he would assert until it was time to “Back up, punt, and regroup”. An outspoken proponent of the proletariat, he would often advocate for freedom (“Please, release me”) and wage reform (“I can’t make a living like this”) as he lobbied for workers rights.
The Goob was the kind of person it took a day to get to know but a lifetime to believe. The kind of guy who would steal your watch and then wear it right it front of you. Kind, genuine and honest to a fault, he had no problem telling it like it is (“You look like a dork”). He was proceeded in death by his protege Martin and his faithful companion ‘Caine. He leaves behind a legacy of greatness that will always be cherished and appreciated by his dear friends.
Jack Rose is the founder of REACT Premium Escape Rooms in Windsor Locks, Connecticut. When he’s not creating experiences where people discover what they’re really made of under pressure, he writes about the complicated, contradictory humans who make life interesting. Some people are too real to be anything but themselves. The Goob was one of those people.
This post is part of the Life branch of jackrosewrites.com. The thread that connects everything starts with the manifesto: There Is No Escape Room.